Do you know what’s holding your self confidence back?
It’s great that you have decided to build your self-confidence. However, there are a few obstacles that can keep you from achieving your goal.
Most of the time, these obstacles are so obvious that they do not seem like obstacles at all, and all you can see is that your resolve to be self-confident is not taking you anywhere. Therefore, it is important to become aware of these seemingly harmless obstacles that have all the power to stop you in your path. Let’s have a look at what could be the reasons you’re not moving things forward.
Are You Undisciplined?
Some people simply have the talent to waste a lot of time without realising it. They lack the self-discipline to stop those actions that waste time. Imagine a situation where you have a list of tasks to be completed successfully as a part of your self-confidence building program.
However, the moment you enter your home you involuntarily grab the remote and start channel surfing on the square box in the corner of the room. It’s only after an hour that you realise you have been vegetating in front of the T.V in the time you had scheduled to do other tasks.
In a self-development program, it’s you and only you who has the power to change yourself. Nobody will come to monitor your actions and progress. You have to keep a watch on your inner graph and see to it that it goes up! Avoid temptations and stick to your schedule.
Are You Always Procrastinating?
Procrastination is one of the greatest and most silent killers of confidence. It does not let you complete your jobs and tasks in time. Things keep mounting and finally you get overwhelmed by all the many things that have piled up and need your attention.
The very basics of building confidence starts with listing the little things that are doable. You gain more confidence to take on greater tasks and responsibilities by successfully completing the lighter tasks first.
However not being prompt and delaying important things till they become urgent makes you miss the opportunity of working on your confidence and puts you in danger of falling back again into your earlier cycle, thereby wasting all the effort and energy you had put in to becoming aware of your low-confidence trap and getting out of it.
Does Your Old Self Keep Pulling You Back?
Assume. Assume. Assume is the technique here. Assume that you are a different person with habits you wanted to achieve..
Imagine the way you would like it to be. Imagine a self-confident you taking things in your stride. Then try to bring into your daily actions the way you have imagined yourself to be. “I dream by painting. Then I paint my dream” was the technique that the great painter Vincent Van Gogh followed.
Your assumed self will make people react to you in a different way, according to your new self. This will establish your new self to the world and will help you keep up the new self before it becomes a habit and second nature!
If you behave indecisively and helplessly, you will invoke proportionate reactions from people around you, thereby reinforcing your previous self. This throws you back again. Remember, you cannot get ahead if you keep looking back. Recognise this and stop yourself when you feel you’re sliding back.
Don’t Copy Self-Confidence. Don’t Try To Be Like Someone Else.
One of the greatest mistakes that people make when trying to increase their low self-confidence is falling in love with an image of their icon who may be a sports star or a film star or any celebrity and then they try to be like them.
This is one of the biggest mistakes people can make when trying in increase their self-confidence. You have to be yourself at all costs. Getting inspired is wonderful but merely copying these guys won’t take you anywhere.
There is no need for any two people in this universe to be exactly the same. The challenge is to be yourself in a world that is trying to make you like everyone else!
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Self-confidence is important to all of us. In the stress literature, it’s one of the characteristics of the hardy professional, the professional that remains healthy in the face of the high stress of constant change. It’s important, but how do you build and maintain a viable and realistic self-confidence?
One way to look at self-worth is to see it as an inference from what you say to yourself privately about yourself. It’s estimated that you make between 300 to 400 self-evaluations per day. Unfortunately, for the majority of us, those evaluations are far from kind. Most major in self-criticism. Research suggests that for the average person 80% of their self evaluations are negative; only 20 percent are positive.
A good mistake can often be worth 45 minutes of self-whipping-“That was stupid. I can’t believe I said that. And they were all watching me. They’re probably going home tonight and talking about me!” If that’s not bad enough, we have an old file clerk in the back of our brain that responds to our attack and goes back to check the evidence-“Just a minute, boss. Let me check the ‘stupid’ file here. Why yes, you are stupid! In fact, you’re getting worse. This reminds me of the time you…” Most of us are good at making ourselves feel worse, not better.
Even when you do give yourself the luxury of feeling good about something you did, it seldom lasts long. We discount our successes-“I was lucky!” “It’s about time; I should’ve done this weeks ago!” “They could’ve done better!” When was the last time you lost sleep over a good day? Never!
Even though self-critical, we put our best foot forward publicly. We present ourselves as being 95% effective and admit making an occasional mistake to be human. You may fool others, but you don’t fool yourself. When you compare what you know about yourself with everyone else’s public image, you lose badly. When you major in the self-critical, you end up searching for loved ones, parents, friends, and bosses who will affirm you and make up for your own lack of self-esteem. Unfortunately, when you have to have the support of others, they control your confidence. By withholding approval they can leave you feeling less effective, less confident and more dependent.
You would not talk to others the way you talk to yourself! “You did that? You’re stupid! Did anyone see you? They saw you! Do they know I know you? I mean it reminds me of the time you….” Who needs friends like that! If a manager talked to an employee the way you talk to yourself, he could file a grievance and win. You deserve the same if not better treatment than what you would give a friend. Learn to make room for your mistakes as learning experiences.
Since mistakes are a part of life in the fast lane, we need to find ways to be self-critical without majoring in self-whipping. Start by looking at criticism as course-correction data that helps us get back on track in our journey to success. The goal is not conviction or blaming; it’s providing future-focused feedback that allows you to be more effective tomorrow!
Scott Adams, the Dilbert Cartoonist, put these insights into practice in dealing with a novice tennis partner: “Once at a tennis tournament, I was paired with a woman who had just learned how to play. Every time she missed a shot, she immediately turned to me, expecting that I would be disappointed or frustrated. Instead, I talked to her about our strategy for the next point. By doing so, I sent a very important message: The past doesn’t matter. I didn’t encourage her with empty praise-that rarely works. But I know that if she dwelled on a mistake, she was more likely to repeat it, and that if she focused on how we were going to win the next point, she was more likely to help us do just that. Over several days, her abilities improved dramatically and we ended up winning the tournament.”
Treat yourself the same way. Life is like a moving vehicle with no brakes. If you spend too much time in the rear-view mirror, you will hit a tree out the front window. In fact, that is why your rear-view mirror is smaller than your front window. Get out of your rear-view mirror and start focusing on driving to a desired future. Try letting go of the general self-attacks; use specific feedback. What did you do that you did not handle well?
Remember, it is easier to admit you made a mistake than to admit you are one. I’m not rude, but I’ve had moments of road rage that I’m not proud of. I know it wasn’t appreciated either; the other driver didn’t even wave with all his fingers!!
After identifying a specific mistake, focus on the future by asking two key questions: First, what can you do to rectify the problem? If any constructive action or apology could help rectify the problem, do just that. Secondly, and most importantly, how would you handle the same situation if it were to occur again? If you have a valued colleague or friend, use them as a sounding board. If not, write down your thoughts or use these questions to help focus your self-criticism. When you’ve learned from the past and focused on a new strategy, get back into the game of life.
Self-confidence begins when you can learn from errors, and then move beyond them to consistently improve. Welcome to the challenge of turning your mistakes into stepping stones to making change work for you. To really make a difference add the habit of ending the day by catching yourself being effective; use a journal to record at least 3 things you’re grateful for and 1 success. You may be winning and not know it if you’re not keeping score!
To find out more about how you can build your own self-confidence go to our website or find us on Facebook
There are very few people who could call themselves perfect and be right. Most of us need to build self confidence today, but the majority just either ignore the issues or concentrate on the negatives: stress, worry, jobs, money problems and relationship issues. Concentrating on these areas drains our self confidence rather than improving it.
If you could improve your self confidence you could make more money, look and feel better physically, or just be more relaxed with other people. Below there are five simple techniques that have been proved to help build self confidence today.
1. Talk to yourself. It sounds crazy but it works. All of us have a running monologue constantly in our heads, whether we realize it or not. Everything we see, hear, or touch sparks off an immediate dialog in our thoughts.
For those who lack confidence this monologue is filled with negative messages many of which are the negative side of adverts from television, radio, advertisement boardings, newspapers, and just overhearing other people talk.
These negative thoughts literally suck energy from our minds and bodies and block the flow of positive messages. We need to hear the positive messages as they will build self confidence today and raise our self esteem. Take control. Use your inner thoughts to talk to yourself in a positive manner, as often as you can.
As an example one of my regular sayings is “I like myself, I like myself, I like myself”. I just repeat it for a couple of minutes. It sounds cheesy, but does build self confidence today – Try it. I bet that if you go to the mirror right now and repeat out loud “I like myself!” 50 times, it will be impossible to keep from smiling.
2. Dress as smartly and as classy as you can. You won’t feel at your best if you don’t look your best. You will be amazed at just how much more confidence you will have just looking your best. It just feels good when you are wearing your best clothes, are well groomed, and are surrounded by a clean environment. So what if it is Saturday, you need to build self confidence today not next week. Put on your nice clothes, get the car washed, style that hair! A hairdresser once told me “Everyday is show time!”. Forget about saving clothes for special occasions. I used to do this all the time and ended up never wearing half of my wardrobe for fear of spoiling it….what’s that all about. Every day is a special occasion, so get wearing those beautiful clothes you’ve never dared to wear!
3. Increase your self esteem even more by giving thanks to what you are, how you look, and what you are doing. Say “thank you” to yourself to everything you see, all whom you meet, and each smile that you receive.
4. Stand or sit correctly: How you stand sends out a message to the World, and in turn, back to you. This results in improving how you feel about yourself and will build self confidence today and every day.
There is scientific evidence that shows how posture affects our mood. Do not slouch. Slouching produces a down mood. By slouching you are telling the world and yourself it doesn’t matter, you don’t matter. Standing tall and upright will actually lift your mood. Help build up your confidence by pulling back those shoulders, stop that slouch, and walk proud.
5. Smile. Just smile and things seem better somehow. Practice smiling regularly and get your facial muscles used to the physical act of smiling.
Go to the mirror and smile – make yourself. Not a grimace, but a proper smile. If you don’t think you can try this:
- Open your eyes as wide as you can – (try and get your eyebrows right up to you hair line)
- Slightly open your mouth
- Pull the corners of your mouth back towards your ears (If your not sure pull them back with your fingers so you know what it feels like then try again without your fingers).
- Repeat 50 times. Get your facial muscles used to smiling and you will smile more and encourage smiles from others. This will make you feel happier and with that you’ll build self confidence today.
To find out more about how you can build your own self-confidence go to our website or find us on Facebook
Do you really know yourself?
It is becoming more and more apparent that so many of us in today’s society are struggling with who we really are. Many of us are loosing ourselves after having children and then again once we hit a certain age……this is definitely true for myself. My husband has also struggled with this in recent times.
I am very happy to say that I am now 100% confident in knowing who I am, having gone back to look at who I was before parenthood, my likes, dislikes etc, plus I’ve been trying some new activities and interests. Change is always happening around us and we also need to embrace changes within us as we grow as individuals and our lives change due to age and circumstance.
Knowing yourself means that you know what path is right for you. You no longer seek approval or permission from others. You are confident to stand alone and be your true-self no matter what outside influences are trying to tell you.
This path is so often blocked by Limiting beliefs that knock confidence and self-belief. The journey to self discovery can be a long, lonely and sometimes difficult road, but once you have completed the journey it feels so worth while. I felt that I lost myself even further when I first started. I doubted who I had ever been, as some of my past interests just didn’t work for me anymore. I felt numb through some parts of the journey, mainly due to my limiting beliefs. Some of which I was already aware of and others that I had to delve really deep within myself to discover and deal with.
Finding YOU is a massive change for most of us, but it’s the best change you will ever make!
You will know where you fit and where you are meant to be going…..now, who doesn’t want that for themselves?
Below are a few ways that I took to figure out where I am going and who I truly AM:
- Firstly, simply write down what your life values are – we all have them, but very rarely sit down and notice what they are. knowing are values is fundamental to a happier and more fulfilled life.
- Ask yourself this question – WHO AM I? write down who you are now in this moment. This will be hard at first.
- Write down your FEARS? be completely honest with yourself. Your fears are strongly connected to your ‘limiting belief system’ and this is what’s holding you back from making the necessary changes.
- Think about and write down any outside influences. Are the goals that you’ve been setting yourself really YOURS, or do they belong to family, friends or fellow colleagues!
- Who do you spend the majority of your time with? It is said that ‘you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with’. Are you mixing in the right circles where people are lifting you up, OR are you being drained by other people’s negative energy?
This exercise can trigger some big changes, don’t be scared of making them, you owe it to yourself to be your best YOU and live a happier and more fulfilled life as the REAL you. You’re only on this earth once, so make it count.
If you’d like to delve deeper and are not sure if you want to do this alone, then please feel free to contact me here for a FREE discovery call.
I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid it was drummed into me that ‘I WANT gets nothing’. Now, I understand the logic in this statement and fully appreciate it’s meaning in terms of its politeness or lack of as some people might think.
What is wrong with wanting????
I want gets nothing is a statement that has stayed with me through my adult life, to the point that I have been drumming it into my own kids…..
Well not anymore!!
I will expect my kids to still use the word please, as I am big on manners. They have served me well through life and I think they are important for our kids to learn, but I will no longer be correcting their use of the words I want.
I have been doing a lot of personal development and looking inside myself lately and strongly believe that not being allowed to WANT as a child has held me back in going after the things I really want as an adult.
I have had a limiting belief as to what I can achieve and what I can do and should be able to have. I haven’t felt as deserving as perhaps I should. I have been lucky enough to recognise this limiting belief and put things in place to lift it. I am now working on my money blocks. I will be writing about this next, so look out for that!
I don’t want that for my kids. They are both strong willed and know what they want. Yes, there is something to be said for not getting everything you want, and my kids certainly don’t, but the word ‘I WANT’ is a powerful word and one that I feel shouldn’t be discouraged.
From here on in my kids will be allowed to express the things they want. I will, of course, be making sure that they value what they already have so that they want the right things in life. To value and be grateful for what you have allows you to look at your life and see what’s important right now and be able to see what it is you really want. I’m not talking material possessions, like toys, games, gadgets and clothes. I’m talking about the big things in life. Our vision of how our life could be, what career we truly aspire to have and how we see our lives and our kids lives 10 years from now.
I was speaking to a friend only this morning about what it is she really wants. To begin with she thought it was a bigger house with a bigger kitchen. When I asked her why she wanted this she realised that she wanted it for all the wrong reasons. In fact, she didn’t want it at all. She thought it would make her happy. When I asked her “Are you happy now?” she replied “yes”. She was going to give up her home, her life, her friends and being near her family for a house further away….and all because it was bigger. She realised that it wasn’t her that wanted the house, it was today’s society that had given her the idea that this is what she should have.
We are all different, but in this day and age we are all so caught up in what other people are doing, what is socially acceptable, what the ‘celebs’ are doing and what the media tells us, that we have lost who we are as individuals and what we really want for ourselves. We’re being brainwashed in to always wanting what other people have, instead of looking inside ourselves and feeling and believing in what is right for us.
People have lost the ability to believe that they can have the career they WANT and the life they WANT, as they are too busy comparing their life to other people’s.
So, I ask you – What do YOU WANT?
I’ll tell you what I want– I WANT to be successful, be able to support my family and friends when they need it and give my kids a good start in life and the tools they need to grow into successful, kind and supportive adults.
My next blog will be on money blocks so look out for it!
If you’d like to know more about how I’ve worked on my limiting beliefs and money blocks, then get in touch at email@example.com