fbpx
Overcoming Your Fear

Overcoming Your Fear

Do you want to become the most incredible, unstoppable version of yourself?

Then the answer is to overcome your FEAR. Your fear is what’s holding you back. Your fear is what is making you less capable and less formidable. And your fear is what’s taking away from your happiness and fulfilment.

It’s time we destroyed fear once and for all and unlocked our full potential!

Fear keeps us frozen and prevents us from moving forward. We are naturally risk averse which means we’d rather cling on to what little we have rather than go forward to win the big prizes.

To get around this, we can borrow some concepts from stoic philosophers and formalise them into a process that anyone can use to get over their crippling fears.

The process goes like this:

1.First, identify the goal or thing you would like to change. Let’s say you want to quit your job and start your own business.

2. Next, write down all the things you are afraid of and all the things that could go wrong. First, your partner might think you are irresponsible, and they might leave you. Second, your new business might fail and you’ll be left with debt. Third, your house might get repossessed. Fourth, you might end up vagrant. Fifth, your friends might laugh at you. Sixth, it might all go to plan but you find you hate your new position even more. You get the idea!

3.Now score each of those things on how realistically they are to happen. Would your partner really leave you? It’s unlikely unless there are problems in your marriage to begin with, so we can give that a ‘2’. Would you end up destitute or would you find another job, even if it’s a step down from what you were doing before? Give that one a ‘3’.

4.Next: do these things really matter? Score them 1-10. If your friends judge you… who cares? They will be judging you based on their own fears anyway.

5. Now, you’re going to go through that list again and you’re going to write down all the ways you could cope with the things that go wrong. These are your contingency plans and the things that you could do to cope. For instance, if you ended up broke you could get benefits, you could dip into your savings, you could ask your parents for help, you could take on a part time job. If your partner left you, you could still fulfill that dream of travelling the world.

6. Then go through the list one more This time, write down all the ways you can mitigate the risk so that it is less likely to happen. Worried about getting into debt? Then write a business model that doesn’t involve a big upfront expense and bootstrap your way to success. Worried about leaving your job? Then start your business in your free time first.

Now you’re going to do something else: you’re going to think about the worst-case scenario if you don’t follow through with your plan.

It might be that you end up stuck in a job you hate. That one day you’ll be 80 years old and you’ll look back on your life and feel that you never made anything of it. That your body and your mind atrophied from lack of challenge or experience.

What’s worse? I know how I’d feel!

Focus on what we discussed in the section on stoicism: bad things will happen. You can’t possibly avoid all bad things happening.

Meanwhile, you are only responsible for your own emotions. You can’t make everybody happy all of the time, so don’t even try. People pleasing is a total waste of time and does more harm than good, but that’s another subject for another day. What you need to focus on is accepting this reality and then just doing what you need to for your own emotional and psychological well-being.

How others react to your decision is up to them. But you can’t let that define your actions.

You can’t hold on to things just the way they are. You can’t prevent bad things from happening. All you can do is live life to its fullest and richest right now. That’s why you have to take those chances.

If you need any help releasing your FEARS, this is something I do with all my clients. You can book a FREE 30-minute clarity call with me here. You can also come and join us in The Positivity Hub facebook group.

 

 

 

5 Tips On How To Build Self Confidence Today

5 Tips On How To Build Self Confidence Today

There are very few people who could call themselves perfect and be right. Most of us need to build self confidence today, but the majority just either ignore the issues or concentrate on the negatives: stress, worry, jobs, money problems and relationship issues. Concentrating on these areas drains our self confidence rather than improving it.

If you could improve your self confidence you could make more money, look and feel better physically, or just be more relaxed with other people. Below there are five simple techniques that have been proved to help build self confidence today.

1. Talk to yourself. It sounds crazy but it works. All of us have a running monologue constantly in our heads, whether we realize it or not. Everything we see, hear, or touch sparks off an immediate dialog in our thoughts.

For those who lack confidence this monologue is filled with negative messages many of which are the negative side of adverts from television, radio, advertisement boardings, newspapers, and just overhearing other people talk.

These negative thoughts literally suck energy from our minds and bodies and block the flow of positive messages. We need to hear the positive messages as they will build self confidence today and raise our self esteem. Take control. Use your inner thoughts to talk to yourself in a positive manner, as often as you can.

As an example one of my regular sayings is “I like myself, I like myself, I like myself”. I just repeat it for a couple of minutes. It sounds cheesy, but does build self confidence today – Try it. I bet that if you go to the mirror right now and repeat out loud “I like myself!” 50 times, it will be impossible to keep from smiling.

2. Dress as smartly and as classy as you can. You won’t feel at your best if you don’t look your best. You will be amazed at just how much more confidence you will have just looking your best. It just feels good when you are wearing your best clothes, are well groomed, and are surrounded by a clean environment. So what if it is Saturday, you need to build self confidence today not next week. Put on your nice clothes, get the car washed, style that hair! A hairdresser once told me “Everyday is show time!”. Forget about saving clothes for special occasions. I used to do this all the time and ended up never wearing half of my wardrobe for fear of spoiling it….what’s that all about. Every day is a special occasion, so get wearing those beautiful clothes you’ve never dared to wear!

3. Increase your self esteem even more by giving thanks to what you are, how you look, and what you are doing. Say “thank you” to yourself to everything you see, all whom you meet, and each smile that you receive.

4. Stand or sit correctly: How you stand sends out a message to the World, and in turn, back to you. This results in improving how you feel about yourself and will build self confidence today and every day.

There is scientific evidence that shows how posture affects our mood. Do not slouch. Slouching produces a down mood. By slouching you are telling the world and yourself it doesn’t matter, you don’t matter. Standing tall and upright will actually lift your mood. Help build up your confidence by pulling back those shoulders, stop that slouch, and walk proud.

5. Smile. Just smile and things seem better somehow. Practice smiling regularly and get your facial muscles used to the physical act of smiling.

Go to the mirror and smile – make yourself. Not a grimace, but a proper smile. If you don’t think you can try this:

  1. Open your eyes as wide as you can – (try and get your eyebrows right up to you hair line)
  2. Slightly open your mouth
  3. Pull the corners of your mouth back towards your ears (If your not sure pull them back with your fingers so you know what it feels like then try again without your fingers).
  4. Repeat 50 times. Get your facial muscles used to smiling and you will smile more and encourage smiles from others. This will make you feel happier and with that you’ll build self confidence today.

 

To find out more about how you can build your own self-confidence go to our website or find us on Facebook

Why You Should Be Networking And How To Overcome Your Fear

I’m sitting in the bar of a hotel in Chatham while I write this. I’ve come straight from the school run, so I’m nearly two hours early. I thought I’d use this time to write about networking, and hopefully ease the anxieties that some people have.

It’s guaranteed that, as a small business owner, you have toyed with the idea of face-to-face networking. Most of you will have started networking online. Most of us feel this is easier as we can hide behind our phone/laptop or PC, it’s predominantly free and it doesn’t take us away from our office and comfort zone.

When I set up my business, for the first three months, I did exactly as mentioned above. With minimal success. I was lucky in that I got my first two clients with relative ease, but after that things got a bit more tricky. I turned to online networking, and was surprised how time consuming it is.

I researched Facebook groups to join and engage in. This is a great way of building relationships and trust, if you can help and advise other members. I have a few potential clients who I met this way.

Another useful way to network online is through forums, where your audience or even influencers ‘hang out’. Good relationships can be built the same as in Facebook groups.

BUT…

In my opinion, no amount of online networking can replace or be as successful as meeting, talking and connecting with people face-to-face.

Even in this time of all things digital. ‘People still buy people’. At the risk of separating men and women in business, they have always and will forevermore do business differently.

 

In my experience, men tend to meet once, have a straight-talking discussion about what they need and what they offer. They may then, have a follow-up phone call and ‘bam’ they’re working together.

Us ladies, well, we like to get to know somebody first. We like to meet, chat, meet, chat, maybe meet again, chat on the phone, and then, with a much softer ‘bam’, we’re working together.

So, coming back to face-to-face networking. Meeting people, building a solid relationship and connection is valuable to your business.

I know what some of you are thinking… ‘I’m not very good at talking about myself’, ‘I don’t want to go on my own’. Well, I’ve got news for you. EVERYONE feels like that at first. I booked my first networking event, I prepared for it, both mentally and in terms of making sure I had ample business cards etc. to take with me. I told a few people I was going, how nervous I was, but how I knew it was essential for my business.

The big day came. I got up, took the kids to school, got in the car, put the satnav on, and… chickened out and went home. Creating several reasons to justify to myself why I couldn’t do it!

For the rest of the day, I was kicking myself. How could a relatively intelligent, outgoing, forty-one-year-old woman, be too afraid to be in a room full of other people whose reason for being there was the same as mine?

I’m sure some of you reading this are chuckling as you too have done something similar.

A week later and after having a stern word with myself, I decided to book myself onto another event. Throwing myself in at the deep end, as this was a big Kent based event. Having done the same as before, preparing and telling a few people, the day arrived. This time though, I actually went. I’m a big gun now. A serious businesswoman.

I CAN DO THIS!

 

The event was very useful. The speakers taught me a lot. Nervous as anything though, I kept myself to myself. Spoke to a few exhibitors and went home. Not a complete waste of time, but not how I had envisaged.

After this, I decided to take things a bit slower and I booked onto a smaller event. You know the drill now. Prepare…told people…went…AND…Amazing.  This was my kind of networking event, less people, more intimate, yet more than enough people to make it a great success. That day, I met some lovely people, started building a relationship with some of them, and now I am working with one of the amazing ladies I chatted to there.

That day, I realised that smaller events were the ones for me. Different personalities suit different environments and I had found mine.

Since then, I have been to several different events and joined two networking groups that I regularly attend. So now, when I go to an event, I always know at least a few people in the room. Now though, I look forward to meeting the people I don’t yet know.

Networking is a must for your business, whether it be a six-monthly thing, a monthly thing or even weekly. Some people become serial networkers as they love being around people and they thrive off the buzz of it all.

So, get out there and meet some inspirational people who will either influence you or who you may influence.

YOU CAN DO IT!!

If you have any questions about networking or any of the services I provide, please feel free to contact me on faye@fayepa.co.uk.

What Has Happened To Customer Service?

Recently, I have been exposed to both excellent and absolutely appalling customer service. The latter having happened only yesterday.

It made me ask myself “what has happened to customer service in this country?”

Now I can only really speak for the UK but it was made more apparent when I received excellent service in Florida, only a few weeks ago.

I’ll start with the ‘poor’ experience, as I always like to end on a positive note…

…so, yesterday I made a phone call to my local hospital to discuss an appointment that I had cancelled, only to be told that I hadn’t cancelled it, but just hadn’t turned up…this in itself was not a great start.

The lady on the other end of the phone was very abrupt and accusing when speaking to me. She had no intention of listening to what I had to say. She assumed I had not shown up and wasn’t prepared to be convinced otherwise. As you can imagine, this did not impress me.

After constantly being interrupted, I asked her to let me speak. She was not very happy to be told to basically “shut up” in a polite manner.

On finally being able to explain and tell her that I had indeed cancelled the appointment through the reminder text I had received from the NHS. The text gives you a cancellation number to call and a reference number.

What came out of her mouth next just got my back up even more. Rather than apologise, or suggest that the message hadn’t reached her or her colleague…she proceeded to tell me that she had no idea what messaging service I was talking about or what number I rang.

Already riled, I asked why a message service was being used if no-one knew about it and how it was possible for a number and reference to be given which was (according to her) unrelated to the department in question.

And this is my biggest issue with customer service today. I don’t want you to pass the buck, I don’t want to hear excuses. I want a solution; I’m after a reasonable explanation and to be told that something will be sorted…maybe it’s me, after all, I do have high standards when it comes to this sort of thing. I am a customer service ‘snob’.

This takes me to the positive. The excellent customer service I received whilst on holiday in Florida.

Everywhere my family and I went, we were amazed at how good the service was. From waiters, guides, retail staff, car park staff. You name them, they were happy to help.

No problem was too big or too small for them to deal with. From the minute we arrived at the airport to the minute we got on the plane home, we were made to feel like we were human beings being dealt with by other human beings. It all leads to me to wonder why this country struggles so much to care about the experiences they provide others. Why have we become so miserable and so self-absorbed that we no longer give a damn about our work, or the impression we leave people with ourselves?

When did customer service not care for anything?

Why did ‘money’ become the be all and end all?

If you think you would like to have a chat about what I can do for you then please call me on 07968 381793 or faye@fayepa.co.uk. I also have a Facebook page and Twitter account.